Random thoughts

If an ugly girl shakes her moneymaker at me, can I give her change back?

Just once I would like honesty from a movie theatre. Their fire warning should read “Look. Let’s be real. If this theatre is on fire, you are going to run like hell out of here. We understand that there will be no walking or calm behavior, but we do ask that you please keep trampling to a minimum.”

If urine is sterile, shouldn’t we encourage kids to pee in the pool?

Everyone but Americans call soccer “football.” They say that soccer is called that because they use their feet. Shouldn’t it be called “feetball”?

Damn it, it’s 2010, and still no answer as to how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?????

Every now and then I wonder why we have never had a female president. Then I listen to my wife talk to her friends and I think, “oh, yeah; that’s why.”

If Wall Street moved to Las Vegas, would it then be called “sin-ier city”?

To the dude who sat next to me and farted all through Inception… thanks for not texting.

If Ohio is “the heart of it all”, then why am I surrounded by asses?